All in All

GAH! I'm so tired of people saying they want their own Edward or Jacob or Harry or whatever other popular fictional character is out there. I saw a flair a few minutes ago on Facebook that did, however, make me smile. "I don't need an Edward... I have a Jesus."

How true is this, people? I know how bad I am about wanting these things I don't have, and this brings this home for me. Why do I want anything else when I can have Jesus Christ, the Creator of the universe! It just hits me sometimes how worried and worldly I can be.

My other thing is this... A few flairs down from this, I saw one of those "Team Jacob" flairs. If you know me, you know I'm a twi-hard. BUT it frustrates me when I see those, "Edward ruined real men for me" flairs and things of that effect. Yes, I think Meyer is a wonderful author, but she's not God! I'll never understand how anyone can say that a fictional character ruined real people for him or her, when really, nothing can be better than the real thing. Edward Cullen is a fictional character, created by (wo)man. Real people, with their strengths and weaknesses, are GOD'S creation! Nothing created by man will ever trump something God has made... Look at flowers. Sure, plastic ones can be pretty, but they are never as wonderful as the fragrant, fading, soft real ones... There's no comparison. God wins, ever time.

Please, please, please, please, PLEASE pray!

Ok, so I have three friends/brothers in the military, and I'm begging you guys to pray for them! One, a youth pastor from a church I went to St. Louis with, is to be shipped to Iraq on October 4 of this year. Another is scheduled to leave for Iraq sometime in 2010. The third is scheduled to leave for Afghanistan sometime between March and June.

I care a lot about these guys, and I'm worried about all of them. I'm begging you guys to lift these guys up in prayer and just ask God to keep His hand on them during their time they're over there and to bring all three home safely, preferably to the United States.

Thank you guys! Love you and God bless.

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Does your life ever just feel... Loud?

'Cause I don't know about anyone else, but sometimes I feel like everything is happening at once, and there's no calm; it's just chaos. Between work, school, friends, guys, trials, and our own selves, there's no quiet. Even in the silence of a room, your mind is still shouting, pointing out things you need to do or shouldn't do or have done but shouldn't have... It fills with tomorrow or yesterday or sometimes even right now. No matter what it is (and I'm not saying it's not important, don't get me wrong. Sometimes we have to think about that stuff), it's still there, and it's still screaming for your thoughts and attention.

I don't know if anyone else ever feels this, but I often feel that God's voice and Jesus himself get lost in the mess of other sounds cluttering our minds. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow dig themselves in there, and they fill our heads with noise.

The Bible tells us that the Father's voice is found in the quiet whisper. Check out 1 Kings 19:11...

¹¹ The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. ¹² After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. ¹³ When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Amazing, terrifying, earth-shattering things happened, and even though we know God was there because He is omnipresent, He didn't speak through the loud, flashy things. Christ spoke in the gentle whisper. And if the powerful wind and shattering rocks and the earthquake and the fire had all been happening at the same time, God's whisper would have been drowned out.

This is one of those 'three fingers pointing back at me' things... Because as I say this, it probably applies more to me than anyone else. Because that is SO us. We let life be loud, and we don't take the time to quiet our minds. With our own earthquakes- whether they be trials, boyfriends, school, work, sin- drown out the quiet voice, the gentle whisper in which God will change our hearts!

This is just as much a reminder to me as it is to you... Quiet your mind and your heart, and listen for that gentle, loving whisper, for it brings the presence of the Lord and He will change your life.

(P.S. To make sense of the title, the word God is mixed into the clutter, basically unnoticeable, just like when we let our minds get cluttered... We drown Him out.)

True Beauty

Psalms 139:13-16

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

“Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl”

- “More Beautiful You” by Johnny Diaz

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXSkd8apbWM&feature=related)


Ok, so it’s kind of a girlie blog today, but guys, a lot of this can and does apply to you too!

I very rarely feel pretty or beautiful. And all honesty, by the world’s standards, I’m not. I’m overweight, often pimply, and I tend to wear baggy t-shirts a bit too often. But y’know, most of the time I’m ok with that.

Because according to God’s word, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and I am who God created me to be. So I am beautiful, not because of what I look like, but because the Creator of the universe made me!

Above, in Psalms 139, David is talking about how God knows you and is with you wherever you go. He created everything about you. He knit us together in our mothers’ wombs… And He loves us.

So what I want everyone reading this to know one thing: YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY, BREATHTAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL!

As my friend Oz would say, “Would God, the Creator of the universe, have created you without a purpose? No! So don’t shame God’s creation by putting yourself down, ok?” (Can you tell I’ve heard this more than once?)

You know, I feel really hypocritical writing this… Because I can honestly say that I don’t generally think of myself as beautiful, especially when I’m looking in a mirror. So even me saying I am beautiful feels… off. But when I look at those around me, I see beautiful people inside and out, no matter what they look like because GOD created them, and they were made by HIS hands.

Slowly, He’s teaching me how to see the beauty in those around me, and He’s used a few of my friends to show me that even if I don’t fit the stereotypical beauty, that I might be beautiful anyway. Not because of who I am or what I look like but because I am God’s creation and Christ is in me.

The same goes for personality, guys. When we come to know Christ, we are a new creation… GOD’S creation. Yes, we still sin no matter how hard we try not to, but we are His creation. And the qualities He has given to you make you who you are, so don’t put down your goofiness or your stubbornness. They are how God made you, and why should you ask to change that? (Unless they cause you to sin, in which you need to ask God to mold you into the you he made you to be. Don’t try to change yourself to be someone else, because no creation of man can better God’s creation.)

So, to sum up, BE THE YOU GOD MADE YOU TO BE, in personality and in physicality. Don’t try to change yourself to conform to the world’s standards. Be the you God is calling you to be, and you will never be more beautiful… And remember. You are beautiful! And you are fearfully and WONDERFULLY made.

That’s all for now… Oh! And check out that song at the top. It’s awesome.

And last thing... Thank you to the people in my life that God is using to teach me... I love you guys so much and I thank God for you all daily.

Thanksgiving… In July.

Ok, so one of my blood siblings, Meghan, gave me an idea from her blog. At a camp she has worked at for two summers now, they have told the kids to make a list of ten things they’re thankful for, and Meghan also did it, and she challenged everyone who read to “try it some time.” Well, I decided to. I know God has given me so much, and I also know I don’t take the time to realize it and spend time thanking Him. This is kind of my way of bringing things back into focus, also… Here goes.

Ten Things I’m Thankful For:

1. Jesus Christ. My Savior loved me while I turned my back on Him and did nothing but dishonor him and continues to love me as I try (and often mess up) to live the way He calls me to live. I screw up over and over again, yet His mercy never ceases. He died so that I could be forgiven, but He rose again, proving who He is! He changed my life (in a good way, of course). I am so thankful for His love for me and for his dying on the cross for me because I do not deserve it.
2. My family (Biological, Blood, and Lost). I have three sets of family, and I thank God for all of them. My biological family, who has been there for me since the day I was born. They’ve done nothing but support me, and I am so incredibly thankful for their love. My Blood family is entirely made up of Christians, and they have impacted my life more than they’ll ever realize. They’re the ones I count on for everything, and I don’t know what I’d do without them. So- Lindz, Kay, Pordie, Megaddin, Zak, and Oz- you've gotta know: you six mean the freaking WORLD to me; I don't know what I'd do without each of you in my life. I love you guys. And my Lost family, who is also (almost) entirely made up of Christians. They’re all such amazing people, and they’ve opened my eyes to so many things about God; He’s used them in my life to teach me for sure, and I thank God for letting me be part of their family.
3. My other friends. Most of my friends are a part of one of my families, but I have other friends that aren’t like siblings, but they still mean so much to me. They’re the people I actually trust, and they’re awesome people in general. I thank God for letting me get to know them.
4. My body. I know this sounds crazy, but I’ve always been fascinated with the human body, and after reading about all of the things that can go wrong with it, I am so insanely thankful to have two working legs and arms and eyes and ears. I am so insanely blessed.
5. Little Kids. I know this one sounds nuts, but ever since God has shown me the joy of working with kids, I have found a place I feel… Right, I guess. I am so thankful for that and for the joy being around those kids gives me. I’m thankful for their wide-eyed curiosity and their interest and for the fact that the world hasn’t hit them as hard yet, so they get to live in a simpler place, for this short time, in which you can call people “Mr. Armpit” and still get away with it.
6. Life. I’m so thankful to be alive! But I’m not only thankful for my life. I’m thankful that God has preserved the lives of my friends and family up to this point, and I’m thankful for the life all around me. The grass, the trees, the flowers, even the bugs.
7. God’s plan/purpose for me. I used to feel like I had no real reason to be here… I lived, I went to college and lived my life, and someday I retired… That’s all. That was what was going to happen. Then I met Jesus, and I found out that God has a plan for me! I’m here for a reason, not just to piddle away my time until I could quit working. Even when I do get old and get to retire, if I’m meant to live that long, then God will still have something for me to do, because every day I’m alive is a day that is for Him.
8. Technology. I’m thankful because it gives us a faster, easier way to communicate. I mean, in the last two months, I have learned the art of snail mail, and it has made me infinitely more thankful for fast communication through Facebook and texting. We’re one a few key-taps away from a conversation anywhere in the world, and it allows me to stay close to all those I care about. I’m so thankful to get to keep relationships going even when we’re not near each other.
9. I’m thankful for the community I live in. We’re all so blessed. We have enough to eat and supplies for school, and our area has a rather low crime rate. We have a quality school in which we get a good education… And the church I attend has so many devoted followers of Christ, and so many people who truly care. I’m so thankful for the blessings here God has given us, because there are so many people who don’t have that…
10. My home. It’s not perfect, but it’s air conditioned, and it has hot showers and we can wash our clothes here. I know that at the end of the day, I’m going to have some type of dinner waiting. I know those things seem really basic, but coming out of ESL, I realize how blessed I am to have those things, because so many kids don’t.

I thank God for all of these things. We are so incredibly blessed.

Amen.

We're Sayin' "Yes, Lord! Yes, Lord! Yes! Yes, Lord!"

Ok, so last week was an AWESOME week. I’ve been thinking a lot about it, and I wanna post one of the things God taught me this week. He showed me so many things; this is just something that stood out to me a lot.

One night, a man spoke on saying, “Yes,” to whatever Jesus asks us to do… Before we know what it is. Honestly, at first, that scared the crud out of me. Saying yes to something before it’s asked of me? Yikes! To anyone else, that would probably have been an automatic no, but he wasn’t asking us to say yes to anyone else. He was asking us to say yes to God: the ruler of the universe who spoke each one of us into being, who knows us and has plans to prosper us and not to harm us and to give us hope and a future, and who promises that in all things He works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Why wouldn’t I say yes to Him? Jesus Christ loves me enough to die for me, and He is with me. Isaiah 41:10 says, “So do not fear for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” He’s with us! So I said yes.

But, that’s not all there is to that one, I guess. Two or three nights later, Bob Caldwell was speaking, and he asked, “Is there someone back home that God has put on your heart to share the Gospel with?” And as I thought about the people at school, one face came to me and stuck, and I felt Jesus telling me to share with this person. And immediately, I found myself saying, “Huh? Wait, how do you expect me to do that? I don’t even know this person!”

The answer kinda smacked me upside the head in a way. God wasn’t expecting ME to do anything, because in everything I do, I need to operate by HIS strength, not my own, because anything I do on my own means NOTHING! And no, truth is, I don’t know this person very well, but Jesus Christ does. Jesus knows every hair on his head, every desire of his heart, and every intricate detail of his being, because Jesus created him!

Besides, I had already said yes, remember? And suddenly, Jesus was asking me to do something completely out of my comfort zone and plan. And honestly, I’m still pretty nervous about it, but I’m not afraid, because I know my God is with me, and I plan to try to share Christ with this person once school starts.

So, I’m going to start praying and ask God to begin opening this guy’s heart and to give me an opportunity and the words to speak when that opportunity comes.

Anyway, I think that’s all I’m going to write for now… Ttyl.

Finding my Water

Ok... It's been a while. More than a month, I guess. God's shown me what feels like so many things, but I just haven't been writing. All honesty, I haven't been doing a good job of having my quiet time, so lately I haven't been as close to God as I should be. I thank Him for having so much patience with me. I don't deserve it in any way, yet he still loves me, which I'll never really understand.

Luminate was in town last weekend, which was really amazing. I love listening to them play and worship; you can feel their passion for God and for truly putting themselves 100% into the calling He has given them. Every member has this amazing, God-given talent, and they're truly using it to bring Him the honor and glory. Before the concert, though, a man from Texas spoke about a passage in 1 Kings 18:

16 So Obadiah went to tell Ahab that Elijah had come, and Ahab went out to meet Elijah. 17 When Ahab saw him, he exclaimed, “So, is it really you, you troublemaker of Israel?”
18 “I have made no trouble for Israel,” Elijah replied. “You and your family are the troublemakers, for you have refused to obey the commands of the Lord and have worshiped the images of Baal instead. 19 Now summon all Israel to join me at Mount Carmel, along with the 450 prophets of Baal and the 400 prophets of Asherah who are supported by Jezebel.”
20 So Ahab summoned all the people of Israel and the prophets to Mount Carmel. 21 Then Elijah stood in front of them and said, “How much longer will you waver, hobbling between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him! But if Baal is God, then follow him!” But the people were completely silent.
22 Then Elijah said to them, “I am the only prophet of the Lord who is left, but Baal has 450 prophets. 23 Now bring two bulls. The prophets of Baal may choose whichever one they wish and cut it into pieces and lay it on the wood of their altar, but without setting fire to it. I will prepare the other bull and lay it on the wood on the altar, but not set fire to it. 24 Then call on the name of your god, and I will call on the name of the Lord. The god who answers by setting fire to the wood is the true God!” And all the people agreed.
25 Then Elijah said to the prophets of Baal, “You go first, for there are many of you. Choose one of the bulls, and prepare it and call on the name of your god. But do not set fire to the wood.”
26 So they prepared one of the bulls and placed it on the altar. Then they called on the name of Baal from morning until noontime, shouting, “O Baal, answer us!” But there was no reply of any kind. Then they danced, hobbling around the altar they had made.
27 About noontime Elijah began mocking them. “You’ll have to shout louder,” he scoffed, “for surely he is a god! Perhaps he is daydreaming, or is relieving himself. Or maybe he is away on a trip, or is asleep and needs to be wakened!”
28 So they shouted louder, and following their normal custom, they cut themselves with knives and swords until the blood gushed out. 29 They raved all afternoon until the time of the evening sacrifice, but still there was no sound, no reply, no response.
30 Then Elijah called to the people, “Come over here!”
They all crowded around him as he repaired the altar of the Lord that had been torn down. 31 He took twelve stones, one to represent each of the tribes of Israel, 32 and he used the stones to rebuild the altar in the name of the Lord. Then he dug a trench around the altar large enough to hold about three gallons. 33 He piled wood on the altar, cut the bull into pieces, and laid the pieces on the wood.
Then he said, “Fill four large jars with water, and pour the water over the offering and the wood.”
34 After they had done this, he said, “Do the
same thing again!” And when they were finished, he said, “Now do it a third time!” So they did as he said, 35 and the water ran around the altar and even filled the trench.
36 At the usual time for offering the evening sacrifice, Elijah the prophet walked up to the altar and prayed, “O Lord, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, prove today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant. Prove that I have done all this at your command. 37 O Lord, answer me! Answer me so these people will know that you, O Lord, are God and that you have brought them back to yourself.”
38 Immediately the fire of the Lord flashed down from heaven and burned up the young bull, the wood, the stones, and the dust. It even licked up all the water in the trench! 39 And when all the people saw it, they fell face down on the ground and cried out, "The Lord—he is God! Yes, the Lord is God!”
40 Then Elijah commanded, “Seize all the prophets of Baal. Don’t let a single one escape!” So the people seized them all, and Elijah look them down to the Kishon Valley and killed them there.
41 Then Elijah said to Ahab, “Go get something to eat and drink, fosr I hear a mighty rainstorm coming!”
42 So Ahab went to eat and drink. But Elijah climbed to the top of Mount Carmel and bowed low to the ground and prayed with his face between his knees.
43 Then he said to his servant, “Go and look out toward the sea.”
The servant went and looked, then returned to Elijah and said, “I didn’t see anything.”
Seven times Elijah told him to go and look. 44 Finally the seventh time, his servant told him, “I saw a little cloud about the size of a man’s hand rising from the sea.”
Then Elijah shouted, “Hurry to Ahab and tell him, ‘Climb into your chariot and go back home. If you don’t hurry, the rain will stop you!’”
45 And soon the sky was black with clouds. A heavy wind brought a terrific rainstorm, and Ahab left quickly for Jezreel. 46 Then the Lord gave special strength to Elijah. He tucked his cloak into his belt and ran ahead of Ahab’s chariot all the way to the entrance of Jezreel.

Ok, so I know the passage is long, but I could never summarize it properly. There are two key points I need to talk about. Maybe three.

The first is the water. Israel was in a famine, meaning an extreme shortage of food and water, so water was the most important thing they had, the one thing they believed they couldn't live without. Elijah asked them to give him all of their water to put as their sacrifice to prove that the Lord is the real God. And they did.

What the speaker talked about was that we are called to do the same thing. For so many of us, we have 'water', this one thing that we try to hold onto, that we believe we can't live without, and ultimately, that keeps us from living fully for God because we let it get in the way.

When he said this, I started thinking, because I knew I had water, but I wasn't entirely sure what my water is. And over the last two days, with a lot of prayer and a few discussions that made it painfully obvious, it was revealed to me. My water is making other people happy/trying to be accepted. I spend so much time trying to make people happy or have them accept me that I let it get in the way of doing what God wants me to do, which sometimes won't make other people happy. I hold on to this need and it keeps me from living fully for him because I won't give it up.

But what really struck me about the passage was this: when the people gave up their water, the Lord revealed himself fully to them in a miraculous way. How badly I want to see Jesus' plan! But if I keep my water, then I'll be keeping part of me from him and not trusting Him enough to give it up.

The thing that most hit me, though, was that after the people gave up their water and surrendered it to God, the drought broke and it rained. What they had been holding onto, they didn't need because once they gave it up, the Lord provided for them what they needed and more. If we surrender to his will, Jesus will sustain us more than any little bit we think we need, because He is what we truly need!

God really spoke to me through this message, and I'm asking him to help me give up my water, because truth is, I don't need it. I need Him.

Lord, I know I've been screwing up lately; I'm a messed up person. We all are, Lord. We do what we shouldn't and don't do what we should and we let so many things come between ourselves and you, Lord. I confess to doing this, Father, and I know it's entirely my fault. I let my pride and worries and selfishness get in the way, and I ask you to forgive me, Jesus, and I pray that you will give me the strength to walk away from these sins, Lord, and focus entirely on you. I am amazed by you, Jesus. At your power and love, which I will never fully comprehend. You are the Creator, you are omnipotent and omnipresent, you are everything we need, Father! I thank you for your love, Lord, and for Jesus, and I thank you for today, because it belongs to You alone. I thank you for family and for friends, and I thank you for bringing me life, Lord, when my spirit was dead and for giving me a purpose and a reason to be here. Lord, I ask that you show me anything and everything that can interfere with our fellowship, and I ask that you will give me the strength to stay away from it. I ask that you will open the hearts of myself and my friends and will reveal to us your will; I pray that we will see where you want us to go and that we will follow you and rely on you in everything, moment by moment. I pray for Ozzy and Eddie, Lord, as they face basic training. Please give them your strength and lead them to you. Put your arms around them please, Lord, and guard them physically, mentally, and spiritually against the enemy. I pray for the Lost Boys and Girls, Lord. We have prayed together, and I know they have a want and need to follow you, Lord; you have shown them their water, Lord, and I ask that you will continue to strengthen their faith as they give it to you. I pray for my friends struggling at home, Lord, and that they will find your strength and never give up. I pray for Jami, Hawk, Dakotah, Kassie, Cady, and Kayla, because they all have struggles they are facing or are taking a new step in following you. I give you myself entirely, Father, though I am broken and messed up, for I need you; I give you my inequities and my insecurities, Lord, and I ask that you will use them along with my strengths to bring You honor and glory, for everything about me belongs to you, for you created me and made me who I am meant to be. I am not my own, Father, and I am Yours. And I pray that my life will reflect that and bring you glory through it. I beg you to open the hearts of my lost friends, Father, and I pray that they will notice your presence, Lord, and I pray for the people of Wyoming and St.Louis and that any people sent there will do your will. I love you, Lord, and it is in your son's name I pray, amen.